ucoe's Journal

The Universal Church of Erik
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All Members , Moderated
First Erik Church

The Ten Commandments of the Fundamentalist Church of Erik

Erik is the Lord your Phantom; you shall not have any other Phantoms besides him without paying due respect to Gaston Leroux's original as well.

Thou shalt not squee over graven images of barely deformed Phantoms without acknowledging that Erik looked like a death's head.

Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy Erik and ask of it "Who's Erik?"

Remember to keep holy the original novel.

Honour the true origins of thine Erik, who did not grow up in an opera house.

Thou shalt not forget that Erik had quite a few good reasons to kill.

Thou shalt not commit adultery against Erik.

Thou shalt not steal Susan Kay's Phantom from the library, you selfish bastard.

Thou shalt not bear false witness against Erik by saying any of the other versions are "more accurate" than the original novel.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Phantom collection if they haven't read Leroux.

* * * * *

I hereby declare the opening of the Fundamentalist Church of Erik. We will gather around the homes, schools, and places of worship of these godless, perverted "fans" who hate the book and think it should be outlawed, and we will tell them just what horrors await them in the afterlife of Erik's Torture Chamber. We will jeer at them, heckle them, and oppose their civil and human rights at every opportunity. They must not be allowed to corrupt our children with their disgusting, Leroux-hating lifestyles, or promote their agenda on web boards or in schools. They must be made to hang their heads in shame wherever they go!

Remember, Erik loves you - but that doesn't mean he won't send you to burn in eternal hellfire in his mirrored chamber.

Note to the easily offended: please switch on your parody-meter, or switch off your internet connection.


1. Respect Erik, respect Leroux.
2. If someone offends you, poke fun at them.
3. Bear in mind, we are parodying fundamentalists. Don't take things too seriously or personally.
4. More rules may be invented as the need arises.

Official Positions

Supreme Being - Erik
The Bible - Gaston Leroux
St Susan the First Apostle - Susan Kay
High Priestess on the Right Hand of Erik - cdaae
Holy Virgin/Fallen Madonna - changewillcome
Archangel Daae - christinedaae
Pope Christine the Sparkly - christineadaae
Chief Player of Erik's Organ - crysania4
Official Revivalist Preacher - ladycdaae
Guardian of the Holy Books - isabeau
Grand Inquisitor of the Church of Erik - angely78
Keeper of the Torture Chamber - alleykitten (aka dark_alley)
Polisher of the Torture Chamber - myao
Archbishop and Official Faith-Healer - fantabulous
Archdeacon - dracschick
Director of the Angel of Music's Choir - primadonna123
Lead Soprano of the Angel of Music's Choir - cdaae13
Sister of the Church of Erik - steel_lily09
Her Lady of the Peace, Sister Christine - christineedaae
Patron Saint of Phantoms and Chauffer to the Pope - glamourcorpse
Abbess of the Order of Daaelite Nuns - anariaknight
Abbess of the Order of the Angel of Music - eriksangel15
Little Lotte, official Muse and Wandering Child of the Church of Erik - littlelotte
Official Hermit of the Church of Erik - misfratz
Sister Mary Bitch Slap - samuraibutterfl
(head mistress of the school for unrepentant sinners)
Patron Saint of Female Fans with Usernames not containing "Christine" or "Daae" - victory_goddess
Priestess of the Oracle - phantoms_girl86
Queen of the Meanads - phantomess_og
Sacristan of the Church - evilstorm
Daaelite nun and Choir Member - roseandmask
Altar Girl - nae_trews
Bell Ringer - punjabchild
Judas - Andrew Lloyd Webber
Arch-Demon - Frederick Forsyth

See the rest of the Official Positions.

Our Phantom
by thru_violets and arqueete

Our Phantom who art in Paris
Erik be thy name
Thy Opera come, Don Juan be done
With Christine as star, as it should be
Give us this day our daily aria
And forgive us our punjabbing, as we have punjabbed in your name
And lead us not toward Forsyth, but deliver us from Argento
For thine is Box 5, the mask, and candle, forever and ever

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